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When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parent Program
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Positive Parent Program
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parent Program
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Positive Parent Program
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to work for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Parent Program
Initially, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Positive Parent Program
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration consistently produces much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parent Program
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and extra common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parent Program
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key emotion under it
• The majority of mad children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Positive Parent Program
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we must be ready to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. Positive Parent Program
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Positive Parent Program
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to deal with the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Positive Parent Program
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parent Program
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parent Program
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parent Program
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.