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When I initially became a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parent Teacher Communication
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Positive Parent Teacher Communication
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Parent Teacher Communication
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started checking out blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also virtually every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas cause healthy child development Positive Parent Teacher Communication
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Parent Teacher Communication
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Positive Parent Teacher Communication
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation always yields far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parent Teacher Communication
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and also more usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Positive Parent Teacher Communication
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key feeling under it
• Many mad children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Positive Parent Teacher Communication
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Positive Parent Teacher Communication
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Parent Teacher Communication
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Positive Parent Teacher Communication
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Parent Teacher Communication
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parent Teacher Communication
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parent Teacher Communication
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