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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parenting 101
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Positive Parenting 101
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parenting 101
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy child development Positive Parenting 101
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Parenting 101
First, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Positive Parenting 101
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration consistently generates much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting 101
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s typically simpler (as well as more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive Parenting 101
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key feeling under it
• Many mad children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Positive Parenting 101
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to obtain from our child, we have to want to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as an individual. Positive Parenting 101
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting 101
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting 101
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting 101
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. But little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting 101
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting 101
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