Positive Parenting 2020 – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Behave

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Positive Parenting 2020
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parenting 2020

There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Positive Parenting 2020

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Positive Parenting 2020

My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started checking out material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and virtually every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.

I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Positive Parenting 2020

Positive Parenting 2020

Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.

Considering his history as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Parenting 2020

Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding significant misbehavior

• Providing your children whatever they want Positive Parenting 2020

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration always yields far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character traits

Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Helping kids to establish self-discipline

• Going deeper than plain external conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting 2020

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Right here are a number of the methods Amy teaches to help you to evolve into the mom or daddy you have actually always wished to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.

Get to the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (and also much more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

We can progress a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting 2020

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-discipline to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main feeling under it

• A lot of mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.

• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … Positive Parenting 2020

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to receive from our child, we have to be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. Positive Parenting 2020

This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting 2020

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …

Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting 2020

Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.

Some readers could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting 2020

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I advise anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting 2020

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting 2020


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