Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parenting 37 Tools
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Positive Parenting 37 Tools
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parenting 37 Tools
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began checking out articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as virtually every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy child development Positive Parenting 37 Tools
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting 37 Tools
Initially, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Positive Parenting 37 Tools
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently yields far better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than mere external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting 37 Tools
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (and much more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive Parenting 37 Tools
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• Many angry children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Positive Parenting 37 Tools
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we have to be willing to offer first. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Positive Parenting 37 Tools
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting 37 Tools
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to solve the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting 37 Tools
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting 37 Tools
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting 37 Tools
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting 37 Tools
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.