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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting 5 Rs
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Positive Parenting 5 Rs
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Positive Parenting 5 Rs
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as basically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting 5 Rs
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting 5 Rs
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Positive Parenting 5 Rs
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration consistently generates much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting 5 Rs
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often much easier (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting 5 Rs
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main emotion below it
• Many angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Positive Parenting 5 Rs
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. Positive Parenting 5 Rs
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting 5 Rs
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting 5 Rs
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting 5 Rs
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting 5 Rs
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting 5 Rs
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