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When I first became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting After Divorce
There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Positive Parenting After Divorce
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parenting After Divorce
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reviewing blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and practically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Positive Parenting After Divorce
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Parenting After Divorce
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Positive Parenting After Divorce
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration always yields much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting After Divorce
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually simpler (as well as a lot more usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting After Divorce
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main emotion below it
• The majority of angry children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Positive Parenting After Divorce
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we have to be ready to offer. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. Positive Parenting After Divorce
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting After Divorce
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting After Divorce
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting After Divorce
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting After Divorce
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting After Divorce
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.