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When I first became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting Amy
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Positive Parenting Amy
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Parenting Amy
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Positive Parenting Amy
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. However long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting Amy
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Positive Parenting Amy
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently produces much better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Amy
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also much more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Amy
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main emotion beneath it
• The majority of mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Positive Parenting Amy
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to receive from our child, we need to agree to provide first. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Parenting Amy
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting Amy
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Amy
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting Amy
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Amy
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Amy
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