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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting And Child Development
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Positive Parenting And Child Development
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parenting And Child Development
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and pretty much every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Positive Parenting And Child Development
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Parenting And Child Development
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Positive Parenting And Child Development
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation always produces far better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting And Child Development
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting And Child Development
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key feeling below it
• Most upset children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Positive Parenting And Child Development
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to receive from our child, we have to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Positive Parenting And Child Development
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting And Child Development
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting And Child Development
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting And Child Development
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting And Child Development
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting And Child Development
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.