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When I initially became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting At Trinity
There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Positive Parenting At Trinity
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Parenting At Trinity
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also virtually every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Positive Parenting At Trinity
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to work for the moment. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Parenting At Trinity
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Positive Parenting At Trinity
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation always produces better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting At Trinity
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (as well as a lot more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Parenting At Trinity
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main emotion below it
• Most upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Positive Parenting At Trinity
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we must be willing to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Positive Parenting At Trinity
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting At Trinity
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting At Trinity
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting At Trinity
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting At Trinity
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting At Trinity
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.