Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parenting Bedtime
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Positive Parenting Bedtime
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Positive Parenting Bedtime
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles cause healthy child development Positive Parenting Bedtime
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Parenting Bedtime
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Positive Parenting Bedtime
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation consistently produces much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than plain external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Bedtime
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically much easier (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Bedtime
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key emotion under it
• A lot of upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Positive Parenting Bedtime
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we should be ready to provide. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. Positive Parenting Bedtime
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting Bedtime
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Bedtime
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Bedtime
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Bedtime
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Bedtime
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.