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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parenting Book Amazon
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Positive Parenting Book Amazon
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Positive Parenting Book Amazon
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and practically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting Book Amazon
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to work for the moment. But in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting Book Amazon
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Positive Parenting Book Amazon
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration always yields far better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Book Amazon
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Book Amazon
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary feeling under it
• The majority of upset children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Positive Parenting Book Amazon
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to obtain from our child, we must agree to give first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Positive Parenting Book Amazon
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting Book Amazon
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Book Amazon
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Book Amazon
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Book Amazon
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Book Amazon
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.