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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting Boundaries
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Positive Parenting Boundaries
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parenting Boundaries
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and practically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas cause healthy child development Positive Parenting Boundaries
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Parenting Boundaries
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Positive Parenting Boundaries
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration consistently generates much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Boundaries
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Boundaries
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• Most upset children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … Positive Parenting Boundaries
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be willing to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. Positive Parenting Boundaries
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting Boundaries
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Boundaries
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Boundaries
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Boundaries
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Boundaries
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