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When I initially became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting By Age
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Positive Parenting By Age
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Positive Parenting By Age
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and virtually every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Positive Parenting By Age
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Parenting By Age
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Positive Parenting By Age
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently yields much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting By Age
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive Parenting By Age
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• A lot of mad children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Positive Parenting By Age
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we have to be prepared to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as an individual. Positive Parenting By Age
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting By Age
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting By Age
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting By Age
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting By Age
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting By Age
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.