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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting Can Begin When The Child Is How Old?
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Positive Parenting Can Begin When The Child Is How Old?
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Positive Parenting Can Begin When The Child Is How Old?
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas cause healthy child development Positive Parenting Can Begin When The Child Is How Old?
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting Can Begin When The Child Is How Old?
Initially, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Positive Parenting Can Begin When The Child Is How Old?
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration always produces much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Can Begin When The Child Is How Old?
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and also extra usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Can Begin When The Child Is How Old?
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key feeling underneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Positive Parenting Can Begin When The Child Is How Old?
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we should be willing to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. Positive Parenting Can Begin When The Child Is How Old?
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting Can Begin When The Child Is How Old?
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Can Begin When The Child Is How Old?
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Can Begin When The Child Is How Old?
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Can Begin When The Child Is How Old?
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Can Begin When The Child Is How Old?
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