Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parenting Classes
There were a couple of books on our shelf about managing power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Positive Parenting Classes
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Positive Parenting Classes
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as virtually every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas result in healthy child development Positive Parenting Classes
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Parenting Classes
First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Positive Parenting Classes
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation always produces much better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Classes
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually simpler (as well as more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Classes
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key emotion below it
• Many angry children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Positive Parenting Classes
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we must be ready to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Parenting Classes
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting Classes
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Classes
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Classes
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. However gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming a more positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Classes
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Classes
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.