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When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting Coventry
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Positive Parenting Coventry
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parenting Coventry
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy child development Positive Parenting Coventry
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting Coventry
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Positive Parenting Coventry
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration always generates far better long-term results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Coventry
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (as well as much more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Coventry
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main emotion beneath it
• Most angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Positive Parenting Coventry
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we should be willing to offer. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Positive Parenting Coventry
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting Coventry
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Coventry
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting Coventry
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Coventry
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Coventry
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