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When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting D
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Positive Parenting D
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Parenting D
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and basically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles cause healthy child development Positive Parenting D
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Parenting D
First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Positive Parenting D
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation always generates far better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting D
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often easier (and more common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive Parenting D
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• Most mad children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Positive Parenting D
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to receive from our child, we should be willing to provide first. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Positive Parenting D
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting D
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting D
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting D
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting D
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting D
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.