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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting Davenport IA
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Positive Parenting Davenport IA
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Parenting Davenport IA
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reading articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting Davenport IA
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to help temporarily. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting Davenport IA
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Positive Parenting Davenport IA
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation always yields better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Davenport IA
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often much easier (as well as much more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Davenport IA
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key emotion under it
• Most upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Positive Parenting Davenport IA
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we need to agree to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. Positive Parenting Davenport IA
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting Davenport IA
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Davenport IA
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting Davenport IA
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Davenport IA
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Davenport IA
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