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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting Discipline Techniques
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Positive Parenting Discipline Techniques
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Positive Parenting Discipline Techniques
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also virtually every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy child development Positive Parenting Discipline Techniques
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting Discipline Techniques
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Positive Parenting Discipline Techniques
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation always yields far better long-term results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Discipline Techniques
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (as well as much more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Discipline Techniques
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling below it
• Most angry children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Positive Parenting Discipline Techniques
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be prepared to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Positive Parenting Discipline Techniques
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting Discipline Techniques
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Discipline Techniques
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Discipline Techniques
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. But little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Discipline Techniques
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Discipline Techniques
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