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When I initially came to be a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting Dupage
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Positive Parenting Dupage
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Positive Parenting Dupage
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting Dupage
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. However long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Parenting Dupage
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Positive Parenting Dupage
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation always generates much better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Dupage
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually much easier (as well as a lot more usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Dupage
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key emotion under it
• Many angry children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Positive Parenting Dupage
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we have to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Positive Parenting Dupage
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting Dupage
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Dupage
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Dupage
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Dupage
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Dupage
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