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When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parenting E
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Positive Parenting E
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parenting E
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reading blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and pretty much every other typically approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting E
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to work for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Parenting E
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Positive Parenting E
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently yields better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting E
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often much easier (and also more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting E
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main feeling beneath it
• A lot of mad children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Positive Parenting E
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we need to be eager to give. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Positive Parenting E
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting E
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting E
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting E
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting E
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting E
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.