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When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting Eanes
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Positive Parenting Eanes
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Parenting Eanes
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started checking out material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting Eanes
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Parenting Eanes
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Positive Parenting Eanes
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently generates better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Eanes
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Eanes
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key emotion below it
• The majority of upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Positive Parenting Eanes
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we have to be eager to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as a person. Positive Parenting Eanes
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting Eanes
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Eanes
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting Eanes
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. However little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Eanes
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Eanes
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