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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parenting Examples
There were a couple of books on our shelf about managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Positive Parenting Examples
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Positive Parenting Examples
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting Examples
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting Examples
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Positive Parenting Examples
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration consistently generates far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Examples
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Here are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mommy or dad you have actually always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and extra common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Examples
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main emotion below it
• The majority of angry children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Positive Parenting Examples
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be eager to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. Positive Parenting Examples
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting Examples
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Examples
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Examples
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Examples
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Examples
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.