Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting Facebook
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Positive Parenting Facebook
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Positive Parenting Facebook
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and pretty much every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting Facebook
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Parenting Facebook
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Positive Parenting Facebook
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration always yields much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Facebook
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Facebook
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main emotion underneath it
• Most mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Positive Parenting Facebook
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to get from our child, we need to want to offer first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. Positive Parenting Facebook
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting Facebook
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Facebook
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Facebook
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Facebook
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Facebook
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.