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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parenting Family Meeting
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Positive Parenting Family Meeting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Positive Parenting Family Meeting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Positive Parenting Family Meeting
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Parenting Family Meeting
Initially, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Positive Parenting Family Meeting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration always generates far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Family Meeting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (as well as a lot more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Family Meeting
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main feeling beneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Positive Parenting Family Meeting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. Positive Parenting Family Meeting
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting Family Meeting
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Family Meeting
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Family Meeting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Family Meeting
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Family Meeting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.