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When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting For Autism
There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Positive Parenting For Autism
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parenting For Autism
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and pretty much every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting For Autism
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting For Autism
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Positive Parenting For Autism
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently generates much better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting For Autism
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (as well as more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting For Autism
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main emotion under it
• The majority of upset children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Positive Parenting For Autism
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to receive from our child, we have to agree to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. Positive Parenting For Autism
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting For Autism
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting For Autism
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting For Autism
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting For Autism
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting For Autism
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