Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parenting From 2 Homes Pei
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Positive Parenting From 2 Homes Pei
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parenting From 2 Homes Pei
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as basically every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Positive Parenting From 2 Homes Pei
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Parenting From 2 Homes Pei
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Positive Parenting From 2 Homes Pei
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration consistently produces better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outward compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting From 2 Homes Pei
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Here are a number of the techniques Amy shares to help you to come to be the mom or father you have actually always wished to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also much more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Positive Parenting From 2 Homes Pei
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a main feeling below it
• Many upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Positive Parenting From 2 Homes Pei
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we have to be willing to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Parenting From 2 Homes Pei
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting From 2 Homes Pei
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting From 2 Homes Pei
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting From 2 Homes Pei
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting From 2 Homes Pei
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting From 2 Homes Pei
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.