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When I first became a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parenting From Two Homes
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Positive Parenting From Two Homes
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Parenting From Two Homes
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and practically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Positive Parenting From Two Homes
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Parenting From Two Homes
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Positive Parenting From Two Homes
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently generates better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting From Two Homes
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and also a lot more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting From Two Homes
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key emotion under it
• The majority of angry children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Positive Parenting From Two Homes
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we need to agree to give first. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Parenting From Two Homes
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting From Two Homes
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting From Two Homes
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting From Two Homes
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting From Two Homes
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting From Two Homes
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