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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting Games
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Positive Parenting Games
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Positive Parenting Games
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also virtually every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Positive Parenting Games
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Parenting Games
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Positive Parenting Games
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation always yields better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Games
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (and also extra common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Games
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main emotion below it
• A lot of mad children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Positive Parenting Games
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we must agree to provide first. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as a person. Positive Parenting Games
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting Games
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Games
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting Games
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Games
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Games
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.