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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parenting Goals
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Positive Parenting Goals
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parenting Goals
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and basically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy child development Positive Parenting Goals
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Parenting Goals
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Positive Parenting Goals
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation consistently yields much better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Goals
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (and more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Goals
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary feeling under it
• The majority of upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Positive Parenting Goals
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we must be willing to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. Positive Parenting Goals
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting Goals
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Goals
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting Goals
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Goals
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Goals
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