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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting How To Discipline
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Positive Parenting How To Discipline
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parenting How To Discipline
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began checking out blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and virtually every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting How To Discipline
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting How To Discipline
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Positive Parenting How To Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration always yields much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than mere external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting How To Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Positive Parenting How To Discipline
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key feeling below it
• A lot of mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Positive Parenting How To Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we need to be willing to offer first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Parenting How To Discipline
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting How To Discipline
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting How To Discipline
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting How To Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting How To Discipline
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting How To Discipline
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