Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting Ideas
There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Positive Parenting Ideas
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Positive Parenting Ideas
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as practically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting Ideas
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Parenting Ideas
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Positive Parenting Ideas
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently generates better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Ideas
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (as well as extra common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Ideas
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• A lot of mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Positive Parenting Ideas
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we should be prepared to offer. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Positive Parenting Ideas
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting Ideas
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Ideas
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Ideas
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Ideas
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Ideas
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.