Positive Parenting In Action – How I Chose Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Cooperate

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Positive Parenting In Action
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parenting In Action

There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”

I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Positive Parenting In Action

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Parenting In Action

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also practically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Positive Parenting In Action

Positive Parenting In Action

During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to work for the moment. But in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.

Considering his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Parenting In Action

First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring significant misbehavior

• Giving your children everything they ask for Positive Parenting In Action

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation always generates far better long-term outcomes than forced control.

Parents who embrace this concept have learned to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character qualities

Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued

• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint

• Going deeper than simple outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting In Action

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to become the mother or dad you have actually always intended to be, and encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Discover the root of the misbehavior

I told you this is deep. It’s usually much easier (and much more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

However we can get a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Positive Parenting In Action

For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main emotion underneath it

• Most upset children are really anxious and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that big need initially.

• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Positive Parenting In Action

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to obtain from our child, we must agree to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Positive Parenting In Action

This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting In Action

Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …

Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting In Action

Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.

Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting In Action

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting In Action

You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.

In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting In Action


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

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