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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parenting Janet Lansbury
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Positive Parenting Janet Lansbury
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Positive Parenting Janet Lansbury
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also basically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Positive Parenting Janet Lansbury
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. But long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Parenting Janet Lansbury
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Positive Parenting Janet Lansbury
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation always yields better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Janet Lansbury
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Below are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mother or father you have actually always wished to be, and also help your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often much easier (and much more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Janet Lansbury
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key emotion under it
• Most angry children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … Positive Parenting Janet Lansbury
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we must be prepared to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Positive Parenting Janet Lansbury
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting Janet Lansbury
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Janet Lansbury
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting Janet Lansbury
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Janet Lansbury
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Janet Lansbury
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