Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting Kate Birch
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Positive Parenting Kate Birch
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Positive Parenting Kate Birch
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting Kate Birch
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Parenting Kate Birch
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Positive Parenting Kate Birch
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration always yields far better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Kate Birch
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to help you to come to be the mama or dad you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also much more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Kate Birch
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• Most angry children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Positive Parenting Kate Birch
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be prepared to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. Positive Parenting Kate Birch
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting Kate Birch
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Kate Birch
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting Kate Birch
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. However little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Kate Birch
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Kate Birch
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.