Positive Parenting Language – How I Chose Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Listen

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Positive Parenting Language
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting Language

There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Positive Parenting Language

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parenting Language

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reading blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also practically every other commonly approved parenting technique.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy child development Positive Parenting Language

Positive Parenting Language

Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.

Given his history and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting Language

Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding significant wrongdoing

• Giving your children every little thing they want Positive Parenting Language

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation always produces much better lasting outcomes than strict control.

Parents who embrace this concept have learned to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced limits

• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities

Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued

• Helping kids to develop self-restraint

• Going deeper than simple external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Language

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Right here are a number of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mama or father you have actually always wished to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Find the root of the misbehavior

I told you this is deep. It’s commonly easier (as well as much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

We can get a great deal farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Language

For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key feeling under it

• A lot of angry children are really frightened and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need initially.

• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Positive Parenting Language

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we need to be prepared to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. Positive Parenting Language

This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting Language

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …

Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Language

Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.

So how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting Language

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I suggest any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Language

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.

In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Language


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

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