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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting Laura Markham
There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Positive Parenting Laura Markham
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Positive Parenting Laura Markham
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began checking out blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as basically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting Laura Markham
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Parenting Laura Markham
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Positive Parenting Laura Markham
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation always generates better lasting results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Laura Markham
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (and much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Laura Markham
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key feeling under it
• Many upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Positive Parenting Laura Markham
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we must agree to provide first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Parenting Laura Markham
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting Laura Markham
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Laura Markham
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting Laura Markham
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Laura Markham
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Laura Markham
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