Positive Parenting Login – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Cooperate

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HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parenting Login

There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Positive Parenting Login

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Positive Parenting Login

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and virtually every other typically approved parenting strategy.

I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting Login

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In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.

Considering his background as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Parenting Login

First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding major wrongdoing

• Giving your children whatever they ask for Positive Parenting Login

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no restrictions

You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration consistently produces better long-term results than strict control.

Moms and dads who adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character qualities

Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Helping kids to establish self-control

• Going much deeper than simple external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Login

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Right here are a couple of the methods Amy shares to assist you to evolve into the mom or father you have actually always wished to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.

Find the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and much more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

However we can get a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Login

For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion under it

• The majority of mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.

• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Positive Parenting Login

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we need to want to provide first. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?

It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Parenting Login

This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting Login

Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …

Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Login

Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.

Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Login

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I suggest anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Login

You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Login


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