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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting Malta
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Positive Parenting Malta
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Positive Parenting Malta
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting Malta
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Parenting Malta
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Positive Parenting Malta
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently yields far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Malta
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also much more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Malta
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main emotion beneath it
• Most upset children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Positive Parenting Malta
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we must be ready to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. Positive Parenting Malta
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting Malta
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Malta
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting Malta
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Malta
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Malta
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