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When I first came to be a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parenting Meal Time
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Positive Parenting Meal Time
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Positive Parenting Meal Time
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reviewing blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as practically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles lead to healthy child development Positive Parenting Meal Time
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to help temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Parenting Meal Time
First, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Positive Parenting Meal Time
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation always produces better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Meal Time
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to become the mother or daddy you have actually always wished to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her full potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and also much more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Meal Time
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• The majority of angry children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Positive Parenting Meal Time
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we must be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. Positive Parenting Meal Time
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting Meal Time
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Meal Time
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting Meal Time
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Meal Time
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Meal Time
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