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When I first became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting Montessori
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Positive Parenting Montessori
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Positive Parenting Montessori
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Positive Parenting Montessori
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Parenting Montessori
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Positive Parenting Montessori
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently produces better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Montessori
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a couple of the methods Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mommy or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (as well as more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Montessori
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main emotion beneath it
• The majority of upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Positive Parenting Montessori
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we need to be ready to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as a person. Positive Parenting Montessori
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting Montessori
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Montessori
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Montessori
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about becoming a more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Montessori
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Montessori
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