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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting New Zealand
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Positive Parenting New Zealand
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parenting New Zealand
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reading blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting New Zealand
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting New Zealand
Initially, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Positive Parenting New Zealand
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation always produces far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting New Zealand
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and extra usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting New Zealand
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary feeling beneath it
• The majority of upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Positive Parenting New Zealand
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we need to want to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. Positive Parenting New Zealand
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting New Zealand
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting New Zealand
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting New Zealand
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. But little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting New Zealand
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting New Zealand
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