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When I first became a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting Not Working
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Positive Parenting Not Working
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Parenting Not Working
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reading articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy child development Positive Parenting Not Working
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Parenting Not Working
Initially, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Positive Parenting Not Working
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Not Working
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s usually simpler (as well as a lot more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Not Working
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key feeling under it
• A lot of angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Positive Parenting Not Working
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we need to be ready to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. Positive Parenting Not Working
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting Not Working
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Not Working
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting Not Working
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. But little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Not Working
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Not Working
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