Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting ODD
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.Positive Parenting ODD
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Positive Parenting ODD
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began checking out articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting ODD
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to work temporarily. However long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting ODD
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Positive Parenting ODD
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation always generates much better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting ODD
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and also much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive Parenting ODD
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• Many angry children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Positive Parenting ODD
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we must be willing to give. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Parenting ODD
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting ODD
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting ODD
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting ODD
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting ODD
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting ODD
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.