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When I first became a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting On
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Positive Parenting On
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Positive Parenting On
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also pretty much every other generally approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting On
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Parenting On
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Positive Parenting On
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation always yields better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting On
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Parenting On
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main feeling below it
• The majority of angry children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … Positive Parenting On
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to obtain from our child, we should be willing to give first. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. Positive Parenting On
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting On
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting On
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting On
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting On
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting On
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.