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When I initially became a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting Program Hong Kong
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.Positive Parenting Program Hong Kong
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Positive Parenting Program Hong Kong
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began checking out material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting Program Hong Kong
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Parenting Program Hong Kong
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Positive Parenting Program Hong Kong
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently produces better long-term results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Program Hong Kong
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (and a lot more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Program Hong Kong
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary emotion under it
• Most angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … Positive Parenting Program Hong Kong
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to obtain from our child, we need to want to provide first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Parenting Program Hong Kong
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting Program Hong Kong
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Program Hong Kong
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Program Hong Kong
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Program Hong Kong
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Program Hong Kong
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.