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When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parenting Rebecca Eanes Pdf
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Positive Parenting Rebecca Eanes Pdf
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Parenting Rebecca Eanes Pdf
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began checking out material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles lead to healthy child development Positive Parenting Rebecca Eanes Pdf
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting Rebecca Eanes Pdf
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Positive Parenting Rebecca Eanes Pdf
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently yields better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Rebecca Eanes Pdf
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Right here are a number of the methods Amy teaches to help you to evolve into the mother or daddy you have actually always intended to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Rebecca Eanes Pdf
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• Many angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Positive Parenting Rebecca Eanes Pdf
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to get from our child, we have to be willing to offer first. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. Positive Parenting Rebecca Eanes Pdf
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting Rebecca Eanes Pdf
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Rebecca Eanes Pdf
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Rebecca Eanes Pdf
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. However little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Rebecca Eanes Pdf
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Rebecca Eanes Pdf
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