Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parenting Reddit
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Positive Parenting Reddit
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Positive Parenting Reddit
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reading blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and virtually every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting Reddit
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit temporarily. But in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting Reddit
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Positive Parenting Reddit
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation always produces far better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Reddit
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Reddit
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• A lot of angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Positive Parenting Reddit
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to obtain from our child, we should agree to give before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. Positive Parenting Reddit
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting Reddit
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to solve the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Reddit
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Reddit
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Reddit
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Reddit
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.