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When I first became a mama, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting Research
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Positive Parenting Research
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Positive Parenting Research
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also virtually every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts bring about healthy child development Positive Parenting Research
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Parenting Research
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Positive Parenting Research
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration consistently yields much better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Research
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and also a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Research
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key emotion under it
• Many angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Positive Parenting Research
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we need to want to give first. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Parenting Research
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting Research
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Research
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Research
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Research
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Research
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